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What Are You Worth?

May 13th, 2010
by Chrysula Winegar.

Power is a loaded word.  And often (almost always) goes with money.  And asking.  And negotiating.  Last Sunday I wrote about it in the context of mothers.

My friend Lisa Gates has begun something extraordinary at Craving Balance.  She has created a learning community, an on-line space where women (it is specifically for women, but certainly there are men on the site) can take coaching courses, or simply share thoughts.  Prompted journaling generates ideas and invites conversation. 

She recently teamed with lawyer/mediator Victoria Pynchon to provide a powerful (there’s that word again) negotiation course, called She Negotiates.  I completed the inaugural month-long session last week.  It’s virtual, so you can do it from anywhere.  Calls are recorded for those in time zones who cannot make the live call.   In my group we had people from all over the USA and Canada and as far away as Japan.

I thought I was doing it for business reasons and definitely gained value and clarity about where I am going, what I need to ask for and create to go forward.  Surprisingly, I found additional learning I can apply in my personal relationships, including with my children.  Victoria and Lisa make available a slew of tools through rich content, role-play and coaching that are equally applicable to your personal life, your business or the traditional workplace. 

As an example, there is a thoughtful discussion going on here (Laura Vanderkam of 168 Hours) and here (The Mama Bee) about part-time work, something that most mothers both in the workforce and at home state as their ideal work life balance situation.  The real issue is the disproportionate consequences for women in terms of career trajectory and earnings decline, relative to the number of hours sacrificed.  Part-time, if rewarded more fairly and offered more genuinely, is one of many possible work life solutions.    
Women are often so grateful for a flexible work solution, that they simply cut themselves a really bad deal.  There are deeper systemic issues at play (see the two posts mentioned above), including the tired culture of face-time and hours put in, as opposed to real measurement of performance and results.   Not all of this can be solved by individual negotiations.  But it’s a critical place to start.  
There are also huge social-cultural issues at play for women in any kind of negotiation and Victoria contextualizes those in her teaching.  She does not gloss over the inherent biases and does not teach you to copy-cat male techniques (which research shows backfire when women apply them).  Rather, this course is about learning to negotiate from a position of power, as a woman.

From “She Negotiates”:
Did you know?…that women’s failure to negotiate working conditions, salary or other compensation—along with their hesitancy to seek what they’re worth when they do negotiate—is one of the major reasons for the persistent wage gap for women in all work-related activities?

Did you know?…statistics show that women stand to lose up to $1.2 million over the course of their career by failing to negotiate their first job out of college?
Did you know?…that women simply don’t ask?
And now for the fun part!  Drumroll… Lisa and Victoria have offered something valuable to you dear Work. Life. Balance. readers.   Something you are not going to want to miss out on.  Go here for the “She Negotiates” course details.  Then come back and comment on this site for a chance to win the She Negotiates Giveaway:
               The first woman to write a comment on this post starting with the words, “I negotiate…” will get the course, She Negotiates, for free. ($375 value)

The second woman to write a comment on this post starting with the words, “I negotiate…” will get the course, She Negotiates, for 1/2 price. ($187.50 value) 

The third, fourth and fifth women write a comment on this post starting with the words, “I negotiate…” will receive a copy of Victoria’s book, A is for !@#hole: The Grownup’s ABCs of Conflict Resolution, which is scheduled for release in July. Please be sure to include your email address in the body of your comment. * (Priceless value!)
To my male readers, I bet Lisa would find a place for you if you fancy your chances at an entry!

Course Dates:
June 1 through June 30, 2010
Do the work on your own time and schedule.
Practicum calls: June 8, 15, 22, 29 at 5 p.m. PST (e.g. Los Angeles / 8 p.m. EST (e.g. New York)
All calls recorded so if you have to miss a call, you won’t miss a call!
All values quoted in $US dollars.

* To thwart spammers, you may want to express your email like this chrysula (at) wlbconsultants (dot) com

Disclosure: I do not endorse products or services, nor conduct reviews of anything I have not thoroughly tried, tested and truly believe would be helpful or valuable to you.   As you know, this is something I rarely do on this blog – in fact, this is my very first giveaway.  I am a paying client of Craving Balance and was not compensated for this post, but you can bet I’ll be negotiating a good discount on my next course! 

C’mon, what are are you worth?  I negotiate …

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  • Christine Livingston

    I negotiate the different parts of me, seeking to give them expression and me a harmonious life.

    I negotiate with myself, to pull myself away from work that I could spend every hour of every day doing in order to be fully present for my partner. I negotiate with my partner when, actually, I really do want to spend time by myself or with friends when he has expected that I'd spend it with him.

    In the more concrete sense of the term I negotiate my fees and what people will pay me. Interestingly, as I write this, I reflect that I charge high and am uncomfortable that I may let myself down somehow when people want me to discount my rates. I'm wondering what that insight might teach me.

  • Chrysula WORK. LIFE. BALANCE.

    Christine, congratulations! We have a winner for the first prize. Lisa will be in touch. What a beautiful assessment of the many areas of your life in which you negotiate, all the time. What is the best email to use to reach me? You can email me directly at chrysula (at) wlbconsultants (dot) com.

  • Margaret Thomas

    I negotiate with people who want to define me on their terms, because their views are as much an expression of their own sense of identity and their past experiences as anything directly concerning me. They need to own those walls, barriers, and (in some cases) baggage vs. tearing down another person.

    I negotiate relationships with family and friends, a process of mutual discovery that helps me (and I hope them, too) to grow, stretch, and make our shared time even more worthwhile — it's too short as it is.

    I negotiate with myself regarding the terms on which I direct the course of my work and personal pursuits. To the best of my knowledge, I have just this one life and I own the journey.

  • Chrysula WORK. LIFE. BALANCE.

    Margaret, thank you for sharing this stunning insight into your negotiations. Yes, one life indeed. And your journey has won you a half-price She Negotiates course. Will you email me your preferred email address to chrysula (at) wlbconsultants (dot) com and I'll connect you directly to Lisa and Craving Balance? Congratulations!

  • whitneyjohnson

    I negotiate really well sometimes, at other times not so well.

  • Becky

    Christine,

    I can really relate to your comment above, "I negotiate with myself, to pull myself away from work that I could spend every hour of every day doing in order to be fully present for my partner…" Can I just say story of my life. This is something I feel on a daily basis (work late to go the extra mile at work vs. spending time with my husband and kids, family vs. going to a movie with a friend or doing craft with my kids). I have to say that I am terrible at decision-making and often struggle with negotiating (feel guilty most of the time). I have been reading Julie Cohen's book titled, "Your Work, Your Life…Your Way" and am learning some great tips to help me get my life back into balance. I think all in all the book has really helped to lowers the pressure on having to ‘do it all’ by helping me prioritize what is important and then doing it. I think that Lisa Gates' coaching courses sound wonderful. What woman doesn't need a little help in getting balance back in their life.

    http://www.7keystoworklifebalance.com/about/

  • Chrysula WORK. LIFE. BALANCE.

    Becky, thank you so much for sharing these thoughts here. Firstly, you've won Victoria Pynchon's new book, coming out in July. If you would email me the best email address and snail mail address to reach you, we'll mail you a copy as soon as it is off the presses!

    Prioritizing is everything. When we live according to what we value most, that's where we find our real power. Now, if only I did it properly all the time :). Thanks again.

  • Chrysula WORK. LIFE. BALANCE.

    Yup! Me too Whitney. As soon as Victoria's book is released in July, a copy will be on it's way to you. You'll love it!